Many people have asked me, “So what is it that you do now?” since my recent transition out of being a collegiate hockey player.

This got me thinking about how, in general conversations, people often try to categorize others based on their perception of them. Common questions include “How are you doing?”, “What is it that you do?”, “What are you up to?”, and so on. The underlying premise of these questions is to define you simply by what you do — your job, sport, school, hobbies, and so on.

But what if we asked people Who are you? instead? This may be a trickier question, as they will most likely start listing the things they do. Or they may be perplexed, thinking it’s a bizarre question and unsure how to respond.

This raises a deeper internal question: Who am I, really?

This question seeks more than just a list of the things you do. There are millions of people who may have the same job. Although no person has the exact same story, your story is shaped by key events and experiences in your life. Your story is what outlines who you are — where your uniqueness is born, what makes you, you.

We may need to rephrase Who are you? for greater clarity. Try asking instead: What gets you out of bed each day? In other words, What is your purpose in this life?

This question gets at who you are by focusing on your internal and external motivators and the mission you seek to serve. This can then be associated with what you do but is not fully defined by it. It aims to understand why you do what you do, which flows from who you are.

Another way to look at who you are is through your personality traits, your brand, what makes you unique, your strengths, and ultimately your why — the overarching purpose you live by.

If I were to answer the question “What is it that I do now?” by addressing what I do, I would say I’m a mental skills coach. If I answered based on who I am, I would say I allow others to feel seen, heard, and valued. I provide a platform to apply wisdom and guidance, helping them navigate adversity as athletes. This mission was born out of my experiences as an athlete that profoundly shaped me into a driven, high-performing, wise, compassionate, joyful, and peace-filled woman. This authentic identity, forged through resilience and a deep sense of purpose, is the foundation from which I empower others to unlock their own greatness. This is who I am, shaped by my athletic journey and the transformation it sparked within me.

Remember, it’s important to lead with who you are, and what you do should be a reflection of that. A mental skills coach helps you unlock your core identity through conversations like these, revealing that you’re not defined solely by what you do but by who you are. This is the pathway to self-discovery, deep joy, and fulfillment and peace.

I would be doing a disservice to those I look to serve if I didn’t share the pathway to self-discovery, deep joy, and peace. Isn’t that what we all seek? Many desperately want to make changes in their lives but don’t know how to get there.

Now I leave you with one final question: What if increasing your understanding of who you are resulted in increased performance and success in what you do, ultimately leading you to dare to dream bigger than you could have ever imagined?

Kelsey King, Mental Edge Coach